The Blown Glass Temple

When we were married we received a beautiful blown glass figurine of the Salt Lake Temple.  Over the years we went through three of these due to six kids and me being accident prone.

It was the Valentines Day before I discovered my husband’s addiction and I tried to rekindle the romance in our marriage.  I knew that something was wrong, we were distant from each other, and I thought it would be helpful if I gave Jeff gifts that were reminders of our wedding day.  One was a new blown glass temple to replace the other 3 that broke.  The day that I discovered his addiction I took it from the shelf and threw it in the trash.  It didn’t take much for it to shatter.

I told him that our marriage was that delicate blown glass temple. When I found out about his addiction it felt like he took a sledge hammer, smashed it and then handed me a bottle of Elmer's glue to fix it.  There were overwhelming feelings at the beginning and I felt helpless, not knowing where to begin or if healing was even possible.  Much like the feeling of holding a bottle of glue, looking at that pile of shattered glass and becoming aware of the impossible task of putting it all back together. How could I ever begin?

The glass temple - our marriage

The sledge hammer - addiction
Smashing it - acting out
The bottle of glue - sometimes his recovery, other times mine

When we try to repair this shattered temple he sees himself working hard (which he is) and thinks that he’s making a difference in that pile of glass. I see myself working hard (which I am) and I think I’m also making a difference on that same pile.

The truth is that neither of us is making great progress on rebuilding that temple.  Sifting through the glass for me is PTSD, reliving the hurt and replaying the events, feeling hopeless, hurt, anger, no trust, etc.  Through this I end up injured and bleeding. Shards of glass go deep into my fingers and I need assistance in getting them out.  When he sifts through the glass he feels my hurt, anger, mistrust and the negative feelings that fed the addiction; also resulting in injured bleeding fingers that too will be in need of help.

Two people who’d never been in this situation before and don’t have the knowledge, tools, experience or expertise of how to fix it.  

This recognition takes steps 1-9 of the Addiction Recovery Program. The next step is full surrender of all the pieces to where the temple originally came from.

The hands of the Maker. 

It is only He who can melt down the glass and reform it to its original beauty.  This is the promise of real recovery. The process takes extreme temperatures (refiner's fire) and letting go all pieces into another's hands (true surrender and trust in God). Even when we surrender the pieces, we have never really given up ownership of the temple, just loaned it back to the one that fashioned it in the first place.  

Now we make Him an integral part of our healing process. After of all of this He does not ask a price, He reminds us that He paid for it long ago. Through this we are able to feel love and gratitude for Him and from Him. Then, if we’re willing, we can start to feel the love for each other and begin to fill that beautifully repaired, renewed temple with steps 10-12, Daily Accountability, Personal Revelation from God, and Service to others.

*photograph used with permission
Sculpting in Motion Inc.