FAMILY SERVICES
SUPPORT IN RECOVERY
Support in recovery from
addiction is vital. President Gordon B. Hinckley emphasized the value of
support through having “a friend in the Church to whom you can constantly turn,
who will walk beside you, who will answer your questions, who will understand
your problems” (Ensign, Oct. 2006,
4). In addition he said: “I want to say to you, look for your friends among
members of the Church. Band together and strengthen one another. And when the
time of temptation comes, you will have someone to lean on, someone to bless
you and give you strength when you need it. That is what this Church is for, so
that we can help one another in our times of weakness to stand on our feet,
tall and straight and true and good” (Eugene Oregon Regional Conference,
September 15, 1996).
President James E. Faust
(1920-2007) wrote: “We can go to others for help. To whom can we go? Elder
Orson F. Whitney (1855–1931) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles asked and
answered this question: ‘To whom do we look, in days of grief and disaster, for
help and consolation? . . . They are men and women who have suffered, and out
of their experience in suffering they bring forth the riches of their sympathy
and condolences as a blessing to those now in need. Could they do this had they
not suffered themselves?’ ” (Ensign,
Feb. 2006, 3).
Living in recovery requires
absolute honesty. However, denial, self-deception, and isolation are hallmarks
of addictive behavior. These traits make it difficult to achieve lasting and
stable progress in recovery without the support and perspective of others. It is important for an addict to enlist the
help of appropriate and effective support people as soon as possible. “By being
humble and honest and calling upon God and others for help, you can overcome
your addictions through the Atonement of Jesus Christ” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, vi; hereafter referred to as Guide).
Valuable Sources of Support for Addicts and Family
Members
Heavenly Father, the Savior,
and the Holy Ghost are our greatest sources of support. Recovery and healing
are made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. In addition the Lord
often works through men and women to bless the lives of His children. All who
participate in the addiction recovery program find that they are following the
Lord’s counsel to “be faithful . . . succor the weak, lift up the hands which
hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees” (D&C 81:5).
As addicts work to apply the
12 steps of recovery, seeking necessary support from others, they will benefit
from the sources listed below.
1.
Recovery meetings provide support in a group
setting. Participants include LDS Family Service missionaries, facilitators
experienced in recovery, and others who are practicing recovery principles. In
these meetings, newcomers hear participants describe how they apply recovery
principles and practices in daily living. The sharing of personal recovery
experiences encourages action toward recovery and fosters hope that recovery is
obtainable. Every person attending recovery support group meetings is tangible
evidence that this process leads to freedom from the bondage of addiction and
to a happier way of life.
2.
A support person, experienced in 12-step
recovery, is especially qualified to help because of their own emergence from
denial and self-deception. This emergence enables them to recognize the
dishonesty that traps others affected by addiction. A support person helps those
in recovery put their “lives into perspective and avoid exaggerating or
minimizing [their] accountability”
(Guide, 29). Both the giver and
receiver of support are blessed with growth in their own recovery. This
reciprocal opportunity to give and receive support is one of the core benefits
of participating in the Addiction Recovery Program and is powerful in
preventing relapse.
3.
Ecclesiastical support in the process of recovery
is essential. “[We] should not be reluctant to encourage [the
addict] to turn to the Lord’s authorized servants” (Guide, 71). Never forget or underestimate the power of
ecclesiastical stewardship. “While only the Lord can forgive sins, these
priesthood leaders (Bishops and Stake and Mission Presidents) play a critical
role in the process of [healing and] repentance” (True to the Faith, 134).
4.
Family members can most effectively be a
source of support by offering love and acceptance, and by applying the same 12
steps to their own lives. “Virtually
everyone living in these perilous times [will] benefit by learning and applying
gospel principles” as outlined in the Guide
(Guide, 71). On a cautionary note,
disclosures of personal inventories are not shared with immediate family
members or anybody who might be adversely affected by hearing it.
5. Professional counselors are often sources of insight and perspective when
dealing with addiction. When selecting
professional help, it is important to select someone who is supportive of
gospel principles as well as 12-step recovery.
Participants
will have different starting points when seeking support in recovery from
addiction. Regardless of the way they start, as they attend recovery support
meetings, participants are blessed to be in an environment where the seed of
recovery can be planted in their hearts.
Choosing a Support Person
The LDS Family Services
Addiction Recovery Program, like all other 12-step recovery programs, does not
assign people to give support. Asking
for support is a personal decision.
Initially the newcomer participates in recovery meetings, and
prayerfully seeks to identify someone he or she thinks would be an effective
support person. Once a person is identified, the newcomer approaches them and
asks for support in working through the steps. The process may need to be
repeated before the right match is found. Encourage the newcomer to continue
these efforts until an appropriate support person agrees to provide support.
The Guide cautions: “Use great care and wisdom when selecting someone
other than a priesthood leader. Do not share . . . sensitive information with
individuals you suspect might extend improper guidance, provide misinformation,
or have difficulty maintaining confidences. [A support person] must be
extremely trustworthy in both word and deed” (Guide, 30). Ideally, an effective support person is someone who has
personal practical experience in doing each of the steps and is fully active in
the Church. Specifically, it is essential that this person has actually written
a fourth-step inventory, read that inventory to another person in the fifth
step, and made or is making ninth-step restitution. These are essential
demonstrations of a personal commitment to stable, long-term recovery. “By this ye may know if a man repenteth of
his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them” (D&C 58:43).
A support person who has
emerged from addiction can have empathy for the emotional pathway the newcomer
is traveling. They “have a message of hope
for other addicts . . . who are willing to consider a spiritual approach to
changing their lives… [They] will share this message best through [their]
efforts to serve others” (Guide, 71).
The newcomer senses the empathy and recognizes the experience of the support
person and becomes willing to follow the support person’s example by using the
tools of recovery. In turn, the use of these tools invites the healing power of
the Atonement into the newcomer’s life.
Many
recovery issues are gender-specific. As
addicts begin recovery, they are usually physically, emotionally, and
spiritually vulnerable. In order to avoid developing an inappropriate
relationship, the addict must choose a support person of the same gender.
Qualities of Effective Support
1. Active participation in personal recovery
is the most fundamental aspect of providing effective support. Your suggestions and support are only as credible as
your personal study, writing, and application of each step. “In your enthusiasm to help others, be sure
to keep a balance between sharing the message and working on your own program.” (Guide, 72). Daily use of the tools of
the program sets an example that is far more important than any counsel you
will ever share with the newcomer. Your support must be consistent with this
program of recovery.
2. Humility is a key characteristic of an effective support person.
“There is no place in your new life for ego or any sense of superiority. Never forget where you have come from and how
you have been rescued by the grace of God” (Guide,
72). “As you serve others, you will maintain humility by focusing on the
gospel principles and practices you have learned” (Guide, 71).
3. Respecting the agency of others is a basic element of effective
support. “Don’t give advice or try to fix them in any way. Simply inform them of the program and the spiritual
principles that have blessed your life” (Guide, 71). Offering suggestions about
principles and practices that may be helpful demonstrates respect for a
person’s sacred agency.
4. Respecting yourself and your personal commitments fosters stability
in your recovery and promotes effective support of others. Your agreement to act as a support person
does not entitle the newcomer unlimited access to your time and resources.
Honoring commitments to one’s family, the Church, professional endeavors, personal
time, etc., sets an example of the importance of healthy boundaries.
5. Selfless service requires giving
without expecting anything in return from those you support. Avoid falling prey
to seeking praise, admiration, loyalty, or other emotional rewards from those
you serve. “Be sure to give freely, not expecting a particular result” (Guide, 71).
6. Patience is a requirement when
supporting others. Newcomers may repeat unhealthy behaviors and be slow to
adopt the principles and practices of recovery. Perhaps the addict is not yet
ready to move forward. “Most of us had to ‘hit bottom’ before we were ready to
study and apply these principles” (Guide,
71). Remember that the journey of recovery is unique for every individual,
including the support person and the newcomer.
7. Gentle, yet firm encouragement is consistent with the Lord’s
pattern. Effective support comes “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by
gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and
pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and
without guile” (Doctrine & Covenants 121: 41-42).
8. Placing God before yourself must be constantly in your mind as you
offer support. “When you do something for someone else or share the message of
hope and recovery, you must not allow another person to become too dependent on
you. Your responsibility is to encourage others who struggle to turn to
Heavenly Father and the Savior for guidance and power.” (Guide, 71). Your role is to share your
experience, faith, and hope by assisting the newcomer through the same 12-step
process that helped you access God’s grace.
9. Prayer is essential as
you give support. Each time you offer support, ask the Lord which principles or
practices of the 12-step program will be most helpful for the current needs.
“Be prayerful as you consider ways to serve, seeking always to be led by the
Holy Ghost. If you are willing, you will find many opportunities to share the
spiritual principles you have learned” (Guide,
71).
10. Testifying of truth as you have experienced it in recovery, is one
of the most powerful support tools available. “Tell some of your story to let
them know that you can relate” (Guide, 71).
Bear testimony of our Savior and of his healing power. “[Your] message is that God is a God of
miracles, just as He has always been (see Moroni
11. The ability to keep confidences and protect the privacy of others
is an essential principle of effective support. Anonymity and confidentiality
are core principles in the addiction recovery program that cannot be
sacrificed.
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