My Dear Friend Who Taught Me to "Look".

I awoke to some very sad news.  My dear friend and counselor, Steve Perkins, unexpectedly passed away.  Steve’s counseling practice, Akron Family Institute, is a resource on my blog.  I have it there because this is where I went and this is where I received so much healing.  I wasn’t happy at all about going to marriage counseling, I didn’t want to need it.  But Steve was the best and it was worth being on the waiting list for him.  I am pretty sure I drove him crazy at times and tested his patience.  But he never showed it.  He had a way of making you feel like you were his only patient, his only concern, and that he genuinely cared.  And he did.

He was also our Stake Patriarch and gave 3 of my children their Patriarchal Blessings.  (This is important to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  For more information CLICK HERE.)  Because we shared the same faith he not only counseled me emotionally and intellectually, but spiritually as well.  He taught me that all I had learned to this point in my life about Jesus Christ was true.  He taught me that I needed to apply that belief now.  At one point he told me that I was putting too much faith in Jeff and not enough faith in Jesus Christ.  He was right.

I have pages and pages of notes from my sessions with him.  I don’t want to waste anything that I learned from him.  It is because of his loving guidance that Jeff and I are in recovery and are married today.

Each Sunday morning I walk about a half mile to church, which is not bad for living in China.  Today we had many things planned, our Church Christmas program, a baptism and a linger longer (potluck meal after church).  I was singing on the program, had a little part in the baptism and had rolls and soup for the linger longer.  Since I had to walk, I packed a wheeled cart to drag all of my stuff in.  I felt weighed down, not with all of the things in my cart, but the sadness of losing this dear friend.  

The day here was just beautiful.  Warm, blue skies...perfect.  As I walked along I saw a Chinese man walking the same path.  I didn’t think anything about it until I saw him stop and pick up an empty plastic bottle.  Then I saw him check the garbages for more bottles.  I had a little argument with myself of whether I should help him or not.  So I finally broke into a run (in my dress and flip flops) and caught up to him ready to give him some of the food in my cart.  “Ni Hao!” (My limited Chinese).  He said something back but I couldn’t understand.  So I tapped him on the shoulder and said again, “Ni Hao”.  Again he said something but I thought that if he could see me he would see that I had something to give him.  Something that would help him.  I tried to get in front of him, but he turned away.  He wouldn’t even look.  He just quickened his pace and went on his way.  

I had something to help him but he wouldn’t even look.  Would I?  Have I?  Yes!  This is a valuable lesson that I have learned from my dear friend, Steve Perkins.  To Look!  There is a great deal of help out there for recovery, but I have to look!  So, the lesson of Look is this:

Look!  And once you’ve looked then recognize the help.

Then once you’ve recognized the help have the humility to accept it.

Then once you’ve accepted the help have the wisdom to act on it.

Then once you’ve acted on it allow real change to happen for you....repeat as necessary.

 

It all begins with that first step, to look.  

I will not waste the things that I learned from this amazing man.  I will honor his memory by living the principles that he taught me.  My life is better because of him.  

My life is better because of YOU!  I am grateful for what I learn from you wonderful people!  Thank you.

And thank you Steve Perkins.  For you, I will be forever grateful.  My counselor, my teacher, my example, my friend.