Let The Storm Rage On!

I am home!!!  I am so excited to get to go to the meeting tonight!!!!  Yesterday I drove past the building where the meetings are held and I was just so excited at the thought that I would get to attend the meeting in person.  No technical difficulties, no other obstacles, I just get to go, be uplifted and be blessed by the spirit of the Lord and the strength of incredible women!!

I didn’t always feel this way about meetings and I have talked about this before.  Yesterday those feelings came flooding back of all the meetings that I’ve attended.  Regardless of how I felt at the meeting I always came away with something.  Some realization that I needed to work on me, or just the feeling of knowing that I was not alone, or to see a glimmer that recovery was possible.  I am so very grateful for the gift that others have given to me of sharing their stories.  That is a sacrifice and one that blesses the lives of others.  So, to you courageous women I am very thankful!  You have so blessed my life. 

This past week, before we left China, our city experienced a direct hit by a typhoon.  I had never experienced one and didn’t know what to expect.  We followed direction and prepared what we could.  I prayed and I received a comforting feeling that everything would be fine.  The storm was to hit in the early morning hours.  I expected loud winds, lightning and rain to wake me, but morning came and when I looked out my window all I saw was what looked like a thunderstorm.  Honestly, I was pretty disappointed.  I had seen pictures before of typhoons and I’d wanted to experience a really good storm.  So, I went back to bed.  In our apartment complex you  have to cross a courtyard to get to the main building.  We went out later and between us and the main building was a lot of storm damage!  In fact the storm was still raging and we couldn’t even hear it from our apartment!  Staff was at each door of the main building with boards holding them shut.  Security was outside patrolling to make sure no one was out in dangerous situations.  I could see the rain being blown sideways, trees down, damage to the buildings, but it had hardly touched our apartment!  Our apartment is in a separate building built in a little alcove next to a hill.  We were in the middle of the storm, but received great protection.

I thought about this in relation to the scripture of the house being built on the rock.  The rock provided protection in the midst of a raging storm! 
“And the rains descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and did beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was built up on the rock” Matthew 7:25

But that wasn’t all.  In the verse just before the Savior tells that those he likens to the wise man are those that “heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them”.   Do.  That’s the secret!  Not just hear, not just know, not just experience, but do!  Dang it!  I didn’t want to “do”.  I can’t recall the number of times I read something about healing from betrayal trauma and thought, “I don’t want to do that” or “This doesn’t apply to MY situation” and then it did.  And at the times that I put my will behind God’s will I am protected from that storm.  It may rage around me but He provides the alcove, his loving arms, around me and you.

 

I know that the adversary is going to continue to work on me and my family.  I know that more storms will come, but in the mean time I am going to continue to prepare, recover and heal so that when that next wave comes I can look into the eye of the storm and say, "Let the storm rage on!  I know upon which rock I am built! And it is in Him that I put my trust!"

We can do this sisters!

My Dear Friend Who Taught Me to "Look".

I awoke to some very sad news.  My dear friend and counselor, Steve Perkins, unexpectedly passed away.  Steve’s counseling practice, Akron Family Institute, is a resource on my blog.  I have it there because this is where I went and is where I received so much healing.  I wasn’t happy at all about going to marriage counseling, I didn’t want to need it.  But Steve was the best and it was worth being on the waiting list for him.  I am pretty sure I drove him crazy at times and tested his patience.  But he never showed it.  He had a way of making you feel like you were his only patient, his only concern, and that he genuinely cared.  And he did.

He was also our Stake Patriarch and gave 3 of my children their Patriarchal Blessings.  (This is important to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  For more information CLICK HERE.)  Because we shared the same faith he not only counseled me emotionally and intellectually, but spiritually as well.  He taught me that all I had learned to this point in my life about Jesus Christ was true.  He taught me that I needed to apply that belief now.  At one point he told me that I was putting too much faith in Jeff and not enough faith in Jesus Christ.  He was right.

I have pages and pages of notes from my sessions with him.  I don’t want to waste anything that I learned from him.  It is because of his loving guidance that Jeff and I are in recovery and are married today.

Each Sunday morning I walk about a half mile to church, which is not bad for living in China.  Today we had many things planned, our Church Christmas program, a baptism and a linger longer (potluck meal after church).  I was singing on the program, had a little part in the baptism and had rolls and soup for the linger longer.  Since I had to walk, I packed a wheeled cart to drag all of my stuff in.  I felt weighed down, not with all of the things in my cart, but the sadness of losing this dear friend.  

The day here was just beautiful.  Warm, blue skies...perfect.  As I walked along I saw a Chinese man walking the same path.  I didn’t think anything about it until I saw him stop and pick up an empty plastic bottle.  Then I saw him check the garbages for more bottles.  I had a little argument with myself of whether I should help him or not.  So I finally broke into a run (in my dress and flip flops) and caught up to him ready to give him some of the food in my cart.  “Ni Hao!” (My limited Chinese).  He said something back but I couldn’t understand.  So I tapped him on the shoulder and said again, “Ni Hao”.  Again he said something and without looking brushed his arm back to motion me away. But I thought that if he could see me he would see that I had something to give him.  Something that would help him.  I tried to get in front of him, but he turned away.  He wouldn’t even look.  He just quickened his pace and went on his way.  

I had something to help him but he wouldn’t even look.  Would I?  Have I?  Yes!  This is a valuable lesson that I have learned from my dear friend, Steve Perkins.  To Look!  There is a great deal of help out there for recovery, but I have to look!  So, the lesson of Look is this:

Look!  And once you’ve looked then recognize the help.

Then once you’ve recognized the help have the humility to accept it.

Then once you’ve accepted the help have the wisdom to act on it.

Then once you’ve acted on it allow real change to happen for you....repeat as necessary.

 

It all begins with that first step, to look.  

I will not waste the things that I learned from this amazing man.  I will honor his memory by living the principles that he taught me.  My life is better because of him.  

My life is better because of YOU!  I am grateful for what I learn from you wonderful people!  Thank you.

And thank you Steve Perkins.  For you, I will be forever grateful.  My counselor, my teacher, my example, my friend.