Pain Management

I had the great opportunity to attend an SA Lifeline meeting and met incredible women walking this same path.  Group meetings are so beneficial!  I have attended S Anon, LDS ARP and now SA Lifeline.  All are worthwhile and all have something to give.  I have been able to take something from each group to help in my personal healing.

Jeff recently hurt his shoulder and because we are in the middle of traveling (back in China now!) all he is able to do is pain management.  I thought about this and how it relates to being the spouse of an addict.  We are traveling.  It is down a path that we did not choose and there is a great deal of pain associated with it.  Because it is not of our choosing, we are experiencing something unexpected and something that we were unprepared for.  We may have been somewhat prepared (keeping the commandments, personal prayer, scripture study, fhe...) but we did not see this specific thing coming. 

Unexpected pain causes confusion and, at times, a delayed increase of pain as we come to understand what just happened.  By that I mean that we often experience greater pain after discovery as we become aware of what we are really facing.  Fear, anger, and doubt are friends of pain, but do not help us in our journey.  It is unrealistic to think that we will not experience them, we will!  No question there! 

In the book, Lord I Believe, Help Thou Mine Unbelief, Rod Jeppsen says, "As we sort through all of the hurt, accept the feelings we are experiencing, and realize that we are human and have the right to our feelings, we can then begin to choose ways to soften or diffuse some of the negative emotions that usually make us feel trapped.  Running away from the uncomfortable feelings or telling ourselves we should not feel angry is not healthy for us because it usually makes us feel guilty and inappropriate guilt compounds our emotional stress and self-value.  As we make small steps of progress and choose healthy ways to deal with the negative emotions, we will avoid feeling hopeless even though we may experience strong feelings of disappointment and sadness along the healing path."

So, how do we sort through the genuine feelings that we have and bridge the gap between hurt, anger and fear and reach the land of healing?  In the Old Testament Isaiah talks about  this a bit.  He says:
Isaiah 61:1-3 "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."

Perhaps this scripture passage gives us some tools in our personal pain management and a promise of healing.  In my recovery I have been brokenhearted, captive and felt very much like a prisoner - being trapped.  It has been a mourning, mourning the life that I thought I had, mourning the person that I thought Jeff was.  But then comes the promise of healing.  We have the potential to receive Beauty instead of ashes, the Oil of Joy instead of mourning, the Garment of Praise instead of the spirit of heaviness.  In addition to all that, because God is the gardener and calls us "trees of righteousness" that are planted by Him, He is tending this garden. We will not walk alone.  He will help manage our pain and carry us when it is too much, until we are ready to release it and surrender it to Him.  Release and healing comes through processing and understanding. A friend in our healing is TIME.  Don't be afraid to give yourself the gift of time.

Attending support groups is a healthy way of bridging this gap and dealing with negative emotions.  It is in these rooms where we are able to share when we feel safe to share and learn from others who share experiences.  This helps our individual healing progress on a steadier climb. (I won't commit to the word STEADY because it is all but that!)

We can do this girls!  We are awesome!  We are strong!  We are beautiful!  We deserve happiness, healing, and joy...... AND it is possible!