Recovery is not a One Stop Shop

When I started out in my own recovery I didn't want to waste time reading the "wrong" books, attending the "wrong" meetings or spending any of my time doing the "wrong" things.  I just wanted a nice cut and dry list of things to do, do them and recover.  Holy cow!  That would have been great!  But...

Just talking to my spouse
           ...is not enough.
Just talking to my bishop
           ...is not enough.
Just attending support groups
           ...is not enough.
Just going to counseling
           ...is not enough.
Just getting a support person
           ...is not enough...but ALL have been vital in my recovery.

Still, this is not a complete list!  There are so many wonderful resources that help along the recovery journey.

In the beginning I knew that I wanted to recover, so I found a person that was in good recovery and asked what they did and then followed their example.  They do everything that is on this list, quoted from LDS Family Services "Support in Recovery":

As addicts work to apply the 12 steps of recovery, seeking necessary support from others, they will benefit from the sources listed below. 

1.        Recovery meetings provide support in a group setting. Participants include LDS Family Service missionaries, facilitators experienced in recovery, and others who are practicing recovery principles. In these meetings, newcomers hear participants describe how they apply recovery principles and practices in daily living. The sharing of personal recovery experiences encourages action toward recovery and fosters hope that recovery is obtainable. Every person attending recovery support group meetings is tangible evidence that this process leads to freedom from the bondage of addiction and to a happier way of life. 

2.        A support person, experienced in 12-step recovery, is especially qualified to help because of their own emergence from denial and self-deception. This emergence enables them to recognize the dishonesty that traps others affected by addiction. A support person helps those in recovery put their “lives into perspective and avoid exaggerating or minimizing [their] accountability” (Guide, 29). Both the giver and receiver of support are blessed with growth in their own recovery. This reciprocal opportunity to give and receive support is one of the core benefits of participating in the Addiction Recovery Program and is powerful in preventing relapse. 

3.        Ecclesiastical support in the process of recovery is essential.  “[We] should not be reluctant to encourage [the addict] to turn to the Lord’s authorized servants” (Guide, 71). Never forget or underestimate the power of ecclesiastical stewardship. “While only the Lord can forgive sins, these priesthood leaders (Bishops and Stake and Mission Presidents) play a critical role in the process of [healing and] repentance” (True to the Faith, 134).

4.        Family members can most effectively be a source of support by offering love and acceptance, and by applying the same 12 steps to their own lives.  “Virtually everyone living in these perilous times [will] benefit by learning and applying gospel principles” as outlined in the Guide (Guide, 71).  On a cautionary note, disclosures of personal inventories are not shared with immediate family members or anybody who might be adversely affected by hearing it.

5.       Professional counselors are often sources of insight and perspective when dealing with addiction.  When selecting professional help, it is important to select someone who is supportive of gospel principles as well as 12-step recovery. 

Lately I have focused on this "Support in Recovery".  This paper was given to me the first meeting that I attended in Utah (The entire resource is under my "Support in Recovery" tab and can also be accessed through LDS Family Services).  It is written to the addict, but applies to the spouses and family members just as much!  I kept that paper with me constantly, read and re-read it, highlighted, underlined, wrote notes, copied, referred to and treasured it. I still have that worn out, folded, wrinkled and loved blue paper. 

The Lord does not teach in a "One Stop Shop" way either.  We have many books of scripture, we have many prophets, we have many doctrines and commandments.  We don't learn everything in one church meeting, we don't learn everything in one temple session, or family home evening, or home teaching/visiting teaching.... we learn line upon line.

And so it is with recovery, it is line upon line.  The Lord has directed me in my recovery process and the whole purpose of this blog is to share the resources I've found helpful with you.  I know that my way of recovery is not the only way, the Lord will personalize yours as you ask Him and He will direct you. 

Neal A. Maxwell says that the Lord "will customize your curriculum". (But For a Small Moment BYU Speeches September 1, 1974)  I continue to experience this in my personal recovery and it is a miraculous blessing!