After Relapse...

First off, in my weekly email I promised an easy link to support groups.  The first one is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ARP Spouse and Family Support.  CLICK HERE to find a group.  There are both phone in and in person.

The second one is through The Arbor and they use Healing Through Christ.  It is a fantastic resource.
CLICK HERE to find a group and to find the resource Healing Through Christ.  They are on the same page, on the right hand side of the page (if on a computer screen).

Well, as for me the fog has lifted.  I am not under the effects of my medication now (although I am SO GRATEFUL for modern medicine...because I NEEDED it!).  I am getting back on my feet and things are getting better.

Thankfully Jeff chose to go to our Bishop and had a good talk with him.  Jeff is starting over again, I am starting over again.  I probably will never know what it takes for him to go to the bishop, but I am grateful that he did.  Jeff has also been very supportive of me seeking help and support.  He is supportive of what I write in my emails and on my blog.  I am so grateful to sweet family and friends that showered me in love and support.  I would not be doing as well in my healing were it not for you.

I often wonder, what life would be like if no one knew my story.  If I had never started this blog, if I remained in anonymity.  I guess, I won't know that because that is not my reality.  But with what my reality IS has given me some of the most precious friends I would never have met otherwise.

Choosing to be open with my story has been one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I questioned the decision, prayed about it, agonized over it, decided....questioned again, prayed again, etc.  For our story to become public first came at the invitation of others, who, by profession, knew the enormity of the need.  I know personally how much it helps me to be supported by others that have the same experience.  After a time, Jeff and I decided together that it was right to make it public.  Surprisingly, it was Jeff who was more willing to have his story told than I was.

We were invited to be participants in a panel type fireside with our therapist and another couple that was in 5 years of recovery.  We went around to each unit of our stake and presented the same thing.  Each one varied with questions that were asked, but the same message was delivered.  Then when we moved to China we told our branch president where we had been and where we were in our recoveries.  We were then asked to present our experiences in our branch there and to start LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program support groups.  With great support from our local (and not so local) leaders, we were able to help in this process.  After that I was invited to speak in Hong Kong at the ASIA Women's Conference.  This one scared me the most. 

Each time I prayerfully balanced what needed to be said and what need not be said.  I don't go into detail.  In the LDS Addiction Recovery support groups we do not go into detail for the simple reason that it may trigger another individual that is attending the group.  I have not found it helpful to go into detail with anyone other than my therapist and my church leader.  The whole point of this is to heal and when I am triggered or dwelling on the past, I don't heal. 

Discovering Jeff's relapse this time threw me back several steps in recovery, mainly because of my fear of the unknown.  Today is a different day.  We have talked openly.  He has been very supportive of me in my need to express my feelings on my blog.  This has helped him in his personal healing too.  We aren't afraid of anyone finding out, because we did that on our own terms. People may judge us, as people often do.  But that isn't what I am worried about.  I learned early on that it is just, what I call, "Reverse Judgment".  If I live in fear of what others may or not be thinking of me I will drive myself crazy.  There is only one judgment that I am worried about and that is of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  If I am doing what he wants me to do, with that being the only motivation, things will turn out the way that they are supposed to. 

Relapse happened, yes.  Relapse hurts, and it did!  But now recovery is happening and healing is happening.  Not in huge leaps and bounds, but still happening.

I went to an LDS ARP Spouse and Family Support group tonight and was blessed with a great deal of love and support.  We were on Step 6.  I am so grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord!  The name for Step 6 has been changed and I know it was no coincidence that happened tonight for me. The new name of Step 6 is:

"Thy Friends Do Stand by Thee" 

And the scripture that accompanies it is Doctrine and Covenants 121:9

"Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands."

Thank you friends!