It is "Crazy Season" in the Jackson home right now. 2 weddings, a high school graduation, an eagle project, a missionary coming home and a missionary leaving. I knew that life would be busy having 6 children close together, and it is. Thankfully I have been blessed with friends and family who have gone above and beyond in helping me get through this.
Before I discovered my husband's addiction I could never have imagined making it through a summer like this and still be sane...ok, well, maybe not sane but at least still be standing! Sending my oldest son to college 7 years ago was devastating to me and I experienced severe depression. I was not equipped to say goodbye for an extended period of time to a child that I had brought into this world. After all activities were done for the day, my nightly routine was to make sure all doors and windows were locked, all children were in their beds and then the lights went out. The house was now secure, children safe, and I could sleep. One step at a time I learned how to move into a "new normal" without having all of my children in my home and not being able to ensure they were in bed and safe for the night. Surrendering our control is difficult. But it is possible, it is necessary and part of the learning and healing process.
On Saturday morning I was ironing tablecloths for the second wedding open house and I put on a BYU Speeches talked entitled, "When Your Bow Breaks" by Jennifer Paustenbaugh. She talks about the Prophet Nephi in the Book of Mormon and the experience he had when he had the responsibility to get food for his family. In this process his metal bow broke. This was devastating! They are in a wilderness, few provisions, being able to get food with this bow was not a luxury, it was necessary for their survival. The scripture records the anguish that other family members went through and frustrations that they expressed. However, Nephi did not complain or murmur. Instead he worked to improve his situation.
Dennis L. Largey said, "Instead of murmuring, Nephi simply went to work and made another bow. Murmuring wastes time, lengthens one's journey, and hardens one's heart...God may not always stop bows from breaking, but he does help in the construction of new ones." 1991 Sperry Symposium
We have experienced the shattering of our
bows. The loss of our safety, loss
of relationships (or at least what we thought they were), fear for our children,
fear for our future, anger for our losses, anger for our pain, hurt from being
a victim and hurt for not seeing this coming, to name a few.
Elder Richard G. Scott said, “Just when all seems to be going right,
challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of
your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow
more. He therefore gives you experiences
that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your
everlasting benefit. To get you from
where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and
that generally entails discomfort and pain.” Trust in
the Lord, November 1995
Growth?
Sheesh! I don’t want more
growth! But…I suppose it will still
come. So in the mean time I will continue
to recover and strengthen myself. Hugh
B. Brown was asked about the Old Testament story of Abraham when he was commanded
by the Lord to sacrifice Isaac. Even
though there are many lessons here, humility, obedience, sacrifice, Elder Brown
said that the purpose of it was, “Because
Abraham needed to learn something about Abraham.”
Growth and broken bows means that Susan needs
to learn something about Susan. Dang it!
;) Oh well. Still on this journey…..one
step at a time.
