Wednesday, November 30, 2016

I Don't Want to Leave Anything in the Garden

Each Christmas I try to take my focus a little more off the presents and more on the purpose.  This is super hard for me because I love to give gifts and that can consume the whole holiday for me.  Through my recovery process I have been given the gift of a renewed sight and way to see Christmas.  The tenderness that I feel for that baby and the promise that was held in his birth has brought new meaning to this season for me.  Encased in that infant was the hope of the world.  He came into this world equipped to hold everything that I would be facing.  

Through all my youth I was taught, "You will not be given anything more than you can handle".  In those dark overwhelming moments of defeat and despair, I did not feel that at all.  "It's too much...I can't do this one...Everyone has a breaking point and this one is mine", are things that I processed in my head.  But I didn't remember that what I was given to handle was not meant to be handled alone.  It is this moment that counts!  The moment that I turn from myself, turn to the Lord and accept His gift of help.  It is real and often comes delivered in the hands of another.

Traditionally Christmas focuses on the birth and the stable.  But my thoughts go to the green of the garden.  The Garden of Gethsemane where my Savior would kneel, facing the most difficult task that only He could do.  Take on all.  Everything.  Even though He had all power to do this, He still asked the Father 3 times if this cup could pass from Him.  In essence, even our Savior asked, "Do I have to do this?  Is there another way?"  And even our Savior was sent help through the strength and comfort of an angel to help Him through.  Yes, He showed us how to lean on someone else for help, how to cleave to Him in our trials. He showed us that perfect and complete does not mean alone.

I was not in the garden with Him, but my sins were.  My hardships, hurts, fears, pains, doubts, hopelessness...everything!  It was all in the garden with Him. This most difficult trial of my life was in the garden with Him.  His sacrifice, his suffering is something that I do not comprehend.  Yet through this miraculous event I can now receive, reach back, recover.  I can be refined.  It is ALL paid for.  I feel that if I do not accept the price that He paid for me by repenting, forsaking, leaning, cleaving, releasing, then I leave something completely paid for unused.  I don't want to leave this gift in the garden, I want the cleansing power of the Atonement for me.  This is the gift that I have come to treasure.  This is the gift that I now focus on through the Christmas season and the gift that I choose to carry with me everyday.  

When I hear the echoing melody of Silent Night begin to play, my heart is pierced and it's hard to keep back the tears.  
"Silent Night.  Holy Night."  
The night that hope was born to this world.  
"All is calm.  All is bright."  
A bright dawn bringing the reality of redemption for no matter what we've done, no matter what we've faced.  
"Sleep in heavenly peace." 
The promise and reality that I can receive that peace in any circumstance.  At any time.

The gift that I give to Him is my broken heart and contrite (repentant) spirit.  During the sacrament, I visualize myself bringing part of my challenge from the week, placing at the base of that table and giving it to my Savior. Fittingly, Elder Dallin H. Oaks calls the sacrament table an Altar.  The sacrifice has been made. The price has been paid.  I do not want to leave anything unused in the garden and my Savior will help me carry out the heaviest loads. This is the gift He desires.  This is my gift to Him.

Merry Christmas my friends.

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